Fantasy

What type of things do you fantasize about? I have always had a wild imagination, which has helped me to deal with a lot of things in life that were too traumatic for me to confront off the bat. But what I fantasize about most is being another person. People say that maybe if you are not satisfied about yourself you want to be someone else. BUt I don't want to be someone else or another person,per se, because I fantasize about me being the greatest me or a different me, but still the core me. Without all of the limitations that I face in life, I create my own in my world. Sometimes it helps me to get through a day that seems frustrating and disruptive. I am the first to admit that sometimes I check out of this life and dream about my own dreams. Of course I have to bring myself back to deal with life, but sometimes I am a different me and I love it.

I began doing this as a young girl who experienced sexual and physical abuse and an unhappy childhood full of domestic violence and forced trips to a church that is now considered harsh. Although I did love to learn about Jesus, as I feel that it is the best gift that any parent can give their child or children, I felt that it was forced upon us instead of introduced to us and learning how to appreciate it. THrough the experiences of my life, the drug addictions,teen pregnancies,domestic violence, arrests, etc., I have managed to live through them with the help of Jesus, but with my imagination as well.

I bet you are wondering what type of things a child can imagine, especially when I was 5 years old when I started. Because of the teachings that I heard about with Jesus, I used to take my dolls out to the back yard and speak life to them, as if they would come alive. But I believe it based on what I was taught. This is why now I believe that I can believe God for anything because faith is like that. But my childlike faith has helped me now to have the gift of faith. Anywho, I used to pretend that I was in the Mickey Mouse Club. I put on my sheet hair (my play play hair because I was little low on the hair) and dance and sing till I was tired. I know you are wondering how could I have been gone that long and no one noticed me? Well, we grew up in a emotionless family basically and it was 6 of us, so I was the one no one noticed. The forgotten one. But that is ok because although it helped me to deal with being alone, I was a little distant from many things and people in my life who I wish I could have spent more time with before.

Needless to say, what are your thoughts on your fantasies and dreams and hopes and how do you deal with life sometimes.